class of 600

-----Part one, welcome again!

Man. If anything college just reminds me daily how blessed I am. Truly and utterly blessed. I don't really know how else to explain it. I live in what is basically an upscale hotel/apartment style dorm room. I get to share it with my best friend of 11 years. We are proving everyone wrong when they said "it's not good to live with your best friend...all you guys will do is fight." Nothing could be further than the truth. God blessed me with an angel as a roommate. She's preparing me for what life with a husband will look like. Compromise doesn't come easy to me & I always have to be right, but I'm working on it. She has been more than patient with dealing with me and for that I am blessed.

The first couple weeks were hard, not going to lie. I thought that as soon as I came to college that all these new friends would follow and it was going to be awesome and everything that I have ever dreamed of. Well little did I know that this is not true at all. I found myself almost feeling trapped. I never thought that being a Christian on a college campus would be SO difficult. Everyday I hear Him whisper to me "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13,14

Then He blessed me again. He's placed some great girls in my life that are seeking Him with their whole hearts. I honestly feel like I've known them my whole life. I cannot wait to see what we get into this year & many years to come. I think they feel the same way, hopefully. 

-----Part two, take a break if you need it, come back soon though!

I don't try to hid the fact that I have struggles. I am a very open person when it comes to stuff like my mental health. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder when I was a freshman in high school. I remember at first I was super confused and angry. Like why in the world did I have to take these pills to make me feel better? Why couldn't do it on my own? Right around that time YoungLife came into my life and truly began to introduce Jesus to me for the first time. I understood that he made me that way. He knew that I could handle it & good could come from my struggles. 

Little did I know that 4 years later because of His faithfulness and my eventual full trust in Him that the distance between therapy sessions would increase, I would not feel anxious about being in a class of 600 students & then settling for going to a smaller school because "I don't think I can handle it." Now, because of having the Lord by my side I can walk confidently into a room knowing that no matter what happens that He is there. Holding my hand. Guiding me through the peaks and valleys. And that is why I feel blessed. I am undeserving and yet He believes in me more than I do myself sometimes. Thank you Lord. I don't sing your praise enough. 

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

this needed some humor.

Not just another monologue

As I sit here with boxes flooded throughout my room & the rest of my house I cannot help but look back on some of the lessons I've learned while living in my childhood home. It for sure took a while to realize what the Lord was trying to teach me from these moments but it all is starting to make sense to me now. God is kind of awesome that way. He always is preparing us for something else. Usually something greater than we had in mind for ourselves. Thank you Lord for everything you have done and removed from my life that was only there to harm me.

"It's the small things in life." A phrase that is pretty familiar. I'm sure everyone has heard it at least once. If not you've probably seen it on countless refrigerator magnets or on a Pinterest board or something like that. Basically it seems super cliche and kind of ridiculous. As it could be all of those things, it can be so much more. 

Your life is made up of all these small moments and memories that combine themselves together to make up one big life. The small moments are something like going out to dinner with your family & laughing until your stomach hurts. It could even be a night you helped a friend by staying up into late in the night because they felt so alone. The moments like these are the ones that really count. It may not seem at all that way when they are happening but when your older these are the times you are going to remember the most.

When you live for the smalls things it can help you love others much more easily. You can love others like God has called us to. This is a love that comes from genuine heart. If you wanna get all technical and what not the word LOVE is used 215 times in the Old Testament & 319 times in the New Testament in the NIV translation of the Bible. So it would be safe to say that this is something that he's pretty passionate about. 

1 John 4:19- "We love because He first loved us."

1 Corinthians 13:13-  "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of all of these is love." Also this is a great credit monologue on The Office but here y'all go, its actually scripture. 

We have nothing if we do not have love. Love people greatly and see what happens. You will probably be surprised. Love them by listening, not talking, to what they have to say. People will open up with you if you let them. Everyone needs someone they can trust judgment free. You can be that person for someone. This could be your small thing. 

A love so powerful. A love so unconditional. Thank you Lord for loving us and giving us the small things. We are so far undeserving. You are faithful. 

As Always,

Alex

a letter to my high school friends

A letter to those who I went to high school with:

Dear Friends,

Hi it's me Momma ASay. Do you remember me? I think of you all the time. I want you to know that I love and miss you more than you'll ever know. I am excited to see what college has in store for you. What majors and friends and fun you all are going to have. I hope you find some great new friends that make lasting impressions on you. 

I know that you probably think that I don't want to be your friend. Or maybe you feel like I judge you. (Or you possibly feel both). This could not be further from the truth. I want more than anything to be there for you. I want be there for whatever life throws your way. I have never once had an inkling of judgment toward you. I just want you all to be happy and keep those smiles on your faces. Im just a text or phone call away.

This is a screen shot of the desktop of my laptop. I find it to be absolutely adorable. However, it means something more to me. I am very much so in a season of transition and change and that seemed to begin the day I graduated high school. If you would have asked me months ago if I would be where I am now, I would have laughed saying that's not going to happen. God definitely has His hand on me & my life. What I am going to be writing about is a tricky subject but it has been on my heart a lot lately. Maybe someone, other than myself, will get something out of this.

In high school I found myself to be surrounded constantly by the same people that I had grown up all my life with. I would like to have thought that we were pretty popular. Everyone kind of knew who my group of friends were. That was good and bad. It seemed like everyone was constantly watching you. Judgement is big in high school- obviously. I judged people so harshly and expected none in return. I am sorry for those who were affected by any criticism that came from me (or will come). 

As much as I wanted to follow the Lord wholeheartedly in high school it seemed like I was holding onto something. That group of friends. I did not want to do something different than what they were doing and risk them not being there for me in the process. I cannot put the blame on anyone but myself for this. Its not OUR relationship with God, it MY relationship. I knew that if I was going to chase after Jesus with everything I had my life would look completely different. So why was I letting myself hang on to those people who influenced me so heavily? I wish I knew. If you were to look up the definition of 'lukewarm Christian' my face would be right there next to it. I, just like everyone else in high school, fell victim to peer pressure and following the ways of the world. It was like I was trying to be in the world and follow God at the same time. You cannot do both. It's not about who you are on Sunday's or Wednesday's, it's about who you are on every other day of the week. I learned this the hard way. 

I heard an analogy once that described exactly how I was feeling. 

"If you are standing on top of the building 100 stories above someone and you are trying to pull them closer to where you are; it is going to be much easier for them to pull you down then for you to pull them up."

I constantly let myself get pulled down by the environment I surrounded myself in. I tried to put on everyone else's oxygen masks before my own. (Thank you Bridget for this saying/ you're kind of awesome).

Sometimes you just have to take a step back and take a look at the big picture. When I was trying to be more of the world, it was harder to see how harmful everything I was doing was for my spiritual health. Please friends if you are trying to follow the Lord by yourself, it is going to be harder than anything you have done. You have got to surround yourself with a community of those who are going to build you up & pour Jesus into you like no other. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't be friends with everyone. God calls us to LOVE everyone just like He loves us. But to be friends with someone does not mean that you have to have the same lifestyle as them. Any relationship has to have communication and effort put in by both people. A lot of times there has to be a compromise- so don't forget that.

So, back to why BE STILL speaks to me. As I feel sometimes that I have lost everyone and only have a handful of friends my Lord calls out to me:

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" Psalm 46:10

Thank you Lord for your Grace. You are more sufficient than 1000 friends. You sustain me and make me whole. I hope and pray one day everyone will understand Your love for them.

As Always,

Alex