class of 600

-----Part one, welcome again!

Man. If anything college just reminds me daily how blessed I am. Truly and utterly blessed. I don't really know how else to explain it. I live in what is basically an upscale hotel/apartment style dorm room. I get to share it with my best friend of 11 years. We are proving everyone wrong when they said "it's not good to live with your best friend...all you guys will do is fight." Nothing could be further than the truth. God blessed me with an angel as a roommate. She's preparing me for what life with a husband will look like. Compromise doesn't come easy to me & I always have to be right, but I'm working on it. She has been more than patient with dealing with me and for that I am blessed.

The first couple weeks were hard, not going to lie. I thought that as soon as I came to college that all these new friends would follow and it was going to be awesome and everything that I have ever dreamed of. Well little did I know that this is not true at all. I found myself almost feeling trapped. I never thought that being a Christian on a college campus would be SO difficult. Everyday I hear Him whisper to me "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13,14

Then He blessed me again. He's placed some great girls in my life that are seeking Him with their whole hearts. I honestly feel like I've known them my whole life. I cannot wait to see what we get into this year & many years to come. I think they feel the same way, hopefully. 

-----Part two, take a break if you need it, come back soon though!

I don't try to hid the fact that I have struggles. I am a very open person when it comes to stuff like my mental health. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder when I was a freshman in high school. I remember at first I was super confused and angry. Like why in the world did I have to take these pills to make me feel better? Why couldn't do it on my own? Right around that time YoungLife came into my life and truly began to introduce Jesus to me for the first time. I understood that he made me that way. He knew that I could handle it & good could come from my struggles. 

Little did I know that 4 years later because of His faithfulness and my eventual full trust in Him that the distance between therapy sessions would increase, I would not feel anxious about being in a class of 600 students & then settling for going to a smaller school because "I don't think I can handle it." Now, because of having the Lord by my side I can walk confidently into a room knowing that no matter what happens that He is there. Holding my hand. Guiding me through the peaks and valleys. And that is why I feel blessed. I am undeserving and yet He believes in me more than I do myself sometimes. Thank you Lord. I don't sing your praise enough. 

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

this needed some humor.

Not just another monologue

As I sit here with boxes flooded throughout my room & the rest of my house I cannot help but look back on some of the lessons I've learned while living in my childhood home. It for sure took a while to realize what the Lord was trying to teach me from these moments but it all is starting to make sense to me now. God is kind of awesome that way. He always is preparing us for something else. Usually something greater than we had in mind for ourselves. Thank you Lord for everything you have done and removed from my life that was only there to harm me.

"It's the small things in life." A phrase that is pretty familiar. I'm sure everyone has heard it at least once. If not you've probably seen it on countless refrigerator magnets or on a Pinterest board or something like that. Basically it seems super cliche and kind of ridiculous. As it could be all of those things, it can be so much more. 

Your life is made up of all these small moments and memories that combine themselves together to make up one big life. The small moments are something like going out to dinner with your family & laughing until your stomach hurts. It could even be a night you helped a friend by staying up into late in the night because they felt so alone. The moments like these are the ones that really count. It may not seem at all that way when they are happening but when your older these are the times you are going to remember the most.

When you live for the smalls things it can help you love others much more easily. You can love others like God has called us to. This is a love that comes from genuine heart. If you wanna get all technical and what not the word LOVE is used 215 times in the Old Testament & 319 times in the New Testament in the NIV translation of the Bible. So it would be safe to say that this is something that he's pretty passionate about. 

1 John 4:19- "We love because He first loved us."

1 Corinthians 13:13-  "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of all of these is love." Also this is a great credit monologue on The Office but here y'all go, its actually scripture. 

We have nothing if we do not have love. Love people greatly and see what happens. You will probably be surprised. Love them by listening, not talking, to what they have to say. People will open up with you if you let them. Everyone needs someone they can trust judgment free. You can be that person for someone. This could be your small thing. 

A love so powerful. A love so unconditional. Thank you Lord for loving us and giving us the small things. We are so far undeserving. You are faithful. 

As Always,

Alex

a letter to my high school friends

A letter to those who I went to high school with:

Dear Friends,

Hi it's me Momma ASay. Do you remember me? I think of you all the time. I want you to know that I love and miss you more than you'll ever know. I am excited to see what college has in store for you. What majors and friends and fun you all are going to have. I hope you find some great new friends that make lasting impressions on you. 

I know that you probably think that I don't want to be your friend. Or maybe you feel like I judge you. (Or you possibly feel both). This could not be further from the truth. I want more than anything to be there for you. I want be there for whatever life throws your way. I have never once had an inkling of judgment toward you. I just want you all to be happy and keep those smiles on your faces. Im just a text or phone call away.

This is a screen shot of the desktop of my laptop. I find it to be absolutely adorable. However, it means something more to me. I am very much so in a season of transition and change and that seemed to begin the day I graduated high school. If you would have asked me months ago if I would be where I am now, I would have laughed saying that's not going to happen. God definitely has His hand on me & my life. What I am going to be writing about is a tricky subject but it has been on my heart a lot lately. Maybe someone, other than myself, will get something out of this.

In high school I found myself to be surrounded constantly by the same people that I had grown up all my life with. I would like to have thought that we were pretty popular. Everyone kind of knew who my group of friends were. That was good and bad. It seemed like everyone was constantly watching you. Judgement is big in high school- obviously. I judged people so harshly and expected none in return. I am sorry for those who were affected by any criticism that came from me (or will come). 

As much as I wanted to follow the Lord wholeheartedly in high school it seemed like I was holding onto something. That group of friends. I did not want to do something different than what they were doing and risk them not being there for me in the process. I cannot put the blame on anyone but myself for this. Its not OUR relationship with God, it MY relationship. I knew that if I was going to chase after Jesus with everything I had my life would look completely different. So why was I letting myself hang on to those people who influenced me so heavily? I wish I knew. If you were to look up the definition of 'lukewarm Christian' my face would be right there next to it. I, just like everyone else in high school, fell victim to peer pressure and following the ways of the world. It was like I was trying to be in the world and follow God at the same time. You cannot do both. It's not about who you are on Sunday's or Wednesday's, it's about who you are on every other day of the week. I learned this the hard way. 

I heard an analogy once that described exactly how I was feeling. 

"If you are standing on top of the building 100 stories above someone and you are trying to pull them closer to where you are; it is going to be much easier for them to pull you down then for you to pull them up."

I constantly let myself get pulled down by the environment I surrounded myself in. I tried to put on everyone else's oxygen masks before my own. (Thank you Bridget for this saying/ you're kind of awesome).

Sometimes you just have to take a step back and take a look at the big picture. When I was trying to be more of the world, it was harder to see how harmful everything I was doing was for my spiritual health. Please friends if you are trying to follow the Lord by yourself, it is going to be harder than anything you have done. You have got to surround yourself with a community of those who are going to build you up & pour Jesus into you like no other. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't be friends with everyone. God calls us to LOVE everyone just like He loves us. But to be friends with someone does not mean that you have to have the same lifestyle as them. Any relationship has to have communication and effort put in by both people. A lot of times there has to be a compromise- so don't forget that.

So, back to why BE STILL speaks to me. As I feel sometimes that I have lost everyone and only have a handful of friends my Lord calls out to me:

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" Psalm 46:10

Thank you Lord for your Grace. You are more sufficient than 1000 friends. You sustain me and make me whole. I hope and pray one day everyone will understand Your love for them.

As Always,

Alex

we love you, 2001 Toyota Sienna

The summer of 2014 my family of four traveled to Sandestin for the first time. We hadn't taken a family vacation just the four of us in over 10 years. I think the last time we did was to Cocoa Beach when Emma was 2 therefore making me around 7. I distinctly remember being at Disney World & Emma did NOT want to ride in the stroller. So here we are walking around with a toddler that was demanding to be held and a useless rented stroller. So what did 7 year old me do? I saw an opportunity and took it. If Emma wasn't going to take advantage of the stroller I sure as heck was. It was not the best day of our lives. Taking two kids under 10 on vacation is more like work and less relaxing, hence the reason that we hadn't been in so long.

This summer was a little different then last year. My maternal Grandparents decided that they wanted to join in on the fun. I love my grandparents, a lot. I am extremely blessed to have them and I wouldn't trade the time we've spent together for anything. It's not a bad thing when I say that having them with us changed the dynamic of the trip. It was very different for me (and everyone, I think). Last year the four of us just piled in the mini-van and hit the road. This year Mom & the Grandparents had the privilege of flying. However, my Dad, Emma & I were stuck driving. It really was not a big deal at all, I'm just being dramatic. The three of us did get to listen to all of the Serial Podcast.

if you haven't listened- you're missing out/ find it on iTunes

Father-daughter time takes on a whole new meaning when you spend 13 hours in a car together with 3 sets of golf clubs and 6 peoples' luggage. I mean there's nothing that the mini-van hasn't seen. We love you, 2001 Toyota Sienna. Thank you for the many of miles. We've had our ups and downs but we can't seem to rid ourselves of you.

Sandestin always welcomes me with a warm embrace, the best burritos and some awesome memories. This year I'm thankful for the fact that I got to have a lot of one-on-one time with the Lord. I spent more time reading scripture than I ever have in my life. I've learned there is no better way to grow in your relationship with someone then spending time with them & listening to what they have to say. This holds true with the most important relationship you can have, the one with God. That's why being in the Word is so great. I spent time reading 1 Peter & James.

I also picked up some other Christian-based books that I'll probably talk about at one point or another. One of them is You're Already Amazing by Holley Gerth which my good friend Addison wrote about here. I encourage you to check it out.

Addison & me at a party

Thank you Lord for family. Thank you Lord for friends.

As always,
Alex

Here are a collection of some of my favorite captured moments.

the second time around

Life is pretty awesome. Life is pretty crazy. I find myself constantly with something going on. I cannot say that I hate it though. I love being busy & having something to do. Having recently graduating high school I am in a season of transition. I feel as if one chapter of life has come to a close and I am beginning to write the first pages of a new one. I could not be more excited for the new adventure that is college. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for me.

Summer is wrapping up and I can honestly say that it has been one of the most memorable ones I have ever had. I have had the opportunity to travel a lot more than I have in the past summers. At the end of the day I thinking I have spent a good portion of summer on the road. Not complaining in the slightest!

The first road trip left me in Virginia at Rockbridge Alum Springs- a YoungLife camp I have visited only two years before. The last time I was at Rockbridge was much different than this past trip. Being one of the 5 oldest students at camp left me feeling very sentimental. I kept thinking to myself "this is the last..." whatever it was that I was up to that day. I really do feel like there was a reason God has Lafayette return to Virginia for my final trip. I got to have the chance to get to know some awesome girls really well. Spending a week in a cabin with 17 of them, how could you not?

The first experience at Rockbridge was not one I remember too fondly. It was my second YoungLife trip. I wanted it to live up to the first time I experienced "the best week of my life" but it kept falling short. I didn't realize that camp wasn't supposed to about me this year. It was specifically aimed at the students that had not been there before. Second plus time campers are supposedly to serve wholeheartedly so those new ones can get the full experience of how life is supposed to be lived. How selfish was I? Focusing on myself when God has called me to make this their "best week of their life"?

At this time I also wasn't in a great mental state. Externally no one could really tell how unhappy I was with myself. I think looking back that summer was one of the lowest points I ever was in high school. I was overweight and let that bring me down in all aspects. This caused my anxiety to skyrocket and it just was a lose-lose situation. I am far from this now!

I have always been concerned with what other people think of me or how they view me. The older I get and the more scripture I study I realize that those Earthly things do not matter. Our Heavenly Father has made us in His perfect image. I am so worthy. I am so loved. You are so worthy. You are so loved. Everything that is of the world is telling you that you have to look a certain way/act a certain way. This is absolutely false and the day you realize that you will experience indescribable freedom. Thank you Lord. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.



Thank you for reading. See what else and where else I have been traveling this summer in my next post.

As always,
Alex

Life lately

As usual life is always a little hectic. When you make a 24 hour trip to Indianapolis for the weekend it seems to just add to the crazy! What was I doing in Indianapolis? Oh you know just casually going to a Pacers game with the whole Raceway Region of YoungLife! If you don't follow me on Instagram here's what you missed:

This is what happens when you stick me on the court with 1200 high school students

Running on 6 hours of sleep after traveling results in this!

Me & Bay enjoying the game

 I'm very blessed to be able just to take the weekend and go hangout with some of the most awesome people!! There's nothing like YoungLife! It has truly changed my life but that's a post for another day! 

looking down

For me I feel like I spend a lot of time looking down. Sometimes physically and sometimes just with my outlook on things. I spend a lot of time <just like anyone else> looking down at my phone to make sure I am not missing out on something on one of the million different social media apps I use. I appreciate modern technology a lot but the week I spend at camp every summer when they take our phones is such a blessing. No one tries to get a hold of you and you don't have to worry about checking in with anyone because they know where you are. It's a truly brilliant plan on the camps part. You spend a lot more time in the moment and I think that's why some of my favorite memories are from camp.

I am always one that has struggled with self-confidence/esteem. Whether if it's when I am getting dressed in the morning, on the beach or anytime a good portion of my stomach is exposed I can't help but staring down at it. Sometimes I wish it would just shrink itself but I know it takes a lot of hard work and dedication for this to happen. <reference to the time I dropped 30 lbs> It's times like this when I was I could see how I truly look from someone else's perspective. We all view ourselves differently than how other people are seeing us. This goes hand-and-hand with the love/hate <mainly hate> relationship with the scale hiding currently in the closet of my bathroom. It's an evil demon that should rarely be released.

Me when I get the scale out

 

Other times I forget to count my many blessings. I have a lot to be thankful for. I live a comfortable life due to my amazing parents who support me in many ways. In life it's hard to not look down on certain situations. Negativity comes easily to me. That's just the way I have always been. I think it's because I have high expectations of other people and I've learned this probably isn't the best way to go about it. People let you down. It happens. Move on and get over it people! <Tough love>

I am her <Leslie Knope// Amy Poehler>

There's so much more to be happy about then relying on someone else to fulfill you. Happiness comes from within. It's very much so an internal thing. As I get older I believe that I am slowly learning that it is waste of energy and my time to be so darn negative. There's too much beauty in every situation rather than getting yourself hung up on the one little part of it.

do you ever just...

Do you ever just...Go on an instagram following streak?

Yesterday I got on my must recent one. I just couldn't stop...I think  that's what you call an addiction. I started off just following fellow bloggers and women who post cute stuff. And then I moved on to the interior design part of instagram. It was like a whole new beautiful world that I just discovered for the first time. And then somehow I ended up on cats. If you know me I am completely and utterly obsessed with these four legged creatures. I'm pretty sure they are obsessed with me too because on multiple occasions they have found me when I'm in random spots; i.e. shopping on vacation, when I took my senior pictures (find those here) and I have had them just show up in my back yard. If it were up to me I would constantly live my life like so..

Gotta love me and all my parks & rec references. I promise you they will never end.


Do you ever just...Read an article about this new healthy idea and then think it will change your whole life?

WELL, I cant exactly pinpoint where I read the article but needless to say it gave reasons why you should drink water infused with fresh sliced lemons.
<Guess here what I've been drinking a whole lot of lately>

Yup. Lemon water. When I first read the article I was like oh heck no I am not about to be making what is commonly known in my family as "a poor girl's lemonade"...or at least that is what my Nana calls it. This is when you are so cheap that instead of actually ordering lemonade when you go out to a restaurant you order a water, add a lot of lemons and some sugar and then you have made your own lemonade. I always thought this might be the weirdest part about my Nana.

Potential Benefits of Lemon Water:
1. Clears up your skin
2. Helps boost your metabolism- a girl's best friend!
3. Cleaner teeth

I hope I'm not making these up...I'm sure there are some downfalls to drinking lemon water but I will just ignore those for now. Maybe eventually I'll end up drinking my Starbucks green tea. Oh well it's going to be worth the try.

Drink your lemon water people!!!!

take yourself on a date

First and foremost I am elated to say that I am going to do my best to try and keep up with this darn blog! I have forgotten how much relief I find when I am writing what is on my heart// mind. Sometimes I just get really discouraged that no one is reading// no one relates to what I am writing about. Hopefully that is not the case. I am really excited about the changes I made to the layout of the blog. I felt as if Some Blonde's Thoughts needed a change that keeps up with the changes that have happened// continue to happen everyday.

a lesson i've learned:

When you're in a relationship with someone for so long you kind of lose sight of what it was like to do things alone. Since in the last year I have had the opportunity of being single, I have gotten to do more of the things I love & make me happy. It has made me feel as if I am not ready to be in a relationship at all. At least for a while. I never realized how great// empowering it feels when you spend time by yourself. That's not something I want to let go of. I know that sounds super selfish and it totally is and I get that. I also understand that when you are in a relationship you can still go out to do things by yourself but you will always feel some sort of obligation to invite your boyfriend// girlfriend. I am NOT ready for that! 

So for here on out until I meet someone who completely blows me away I will be in a relationship with myself. For the first time in 18 years I am going to start putting myself on a high priority list. I don't see anything wrong with that. So if I want to stay in one night instead of going out with friends, I'm going to do that. If I want to aimlessly walk around Target for two hours, I'm going to do that. Binge watch a new Netflix series? Heck yeah! I'm going to do that, too! Doesn't it just sound like a total given? Why haven't I started this before? I highly recommend you taking yourself out on a date. Go to Panera and get yourself a mango smoothie or go to a movie! Nothing can feel more satisfying then doing something you want to do. 

Take it from Ann Perkins